Miss A’s Mommy Thinks About Emotions

One of the things that I’ve found about parenthood (or at least motherhood, I can’t speak for Mr. Dad) is the shift in emotions. I’ve struggled with a lot of change over the past few years and dealt with a lot of negative situations and somewhere in there I lost the fundamental ability to see the silver lining in every situation, and lost touch with my emotions – a big part of which was my overwhelming optimism.

I think being a mom has completely overhauled that whole way of thinking. For Miss A, I have to look for the silver lining all the time so that she will learn to see the good in the world – especially in the tough times in which she’s being raised. Because I’m in tune with her emotions, I’ve become more in tune with my own. And because of both of those, I’ve become more in touch with myself. And all of this combined has done wonders for my self-esteem.

If I can find the silver lining in a day where I’ve had no sleep, I feel sick, haven’t eaten, and still been able to soothe a crying, colicky baby, well – there really isn’t anything that I can’t do!

As challenging as they have been, I’m truly going to miss these days when I go back to work on the 17th.

Miss A is One Month Old!

Miss A is now one month old! I can’t believe how fast the first month went by…it feels like just yesterday I was still pregnant (in fact, I sometimes feel myself reach for my pregnant belly only to realize that I now have an “outside baby” instead of an “inside baby”!)

The first month has been fun. In spite of having days where I’m literally running on caffeine and adrenaline, and the baby going through a week where she was gassy and really pissed off about it (crying and crying for hours on end), it’s been everything I expected and more.

There’s so much that nobody tells you about early motherhood. The first two weeks I was home, I think I spent more time crying than I ever have in my life, both due to the “baby blues” and because every time I looked at her, I was overwhelmed by how much I love her. Nobody tells you that. It was so hard to feel “connected” to her, but at the same time I was overwhelmingly in love with her, and every time I thought about her growing up and getting bigger, it broke my heart. I have taken hundreds of pictures of her just to preserve the “baby days”…and will continue to do so as long as she’ll tolerate it!

She’s still a good baby – in spite of the nights where she’s restless and suffering from tummy troubles, which I know she can’t help (it makes me feel awful when I can’t instantly cure her troubles, but makes it all worth it when she just cuddles into my shoulder and falls asleep, because I know that means she’s comforted by me). But yes, in spite of that, she only really cries when she needs something – usually food, diapers and being messy don’t bother her that much (except when she had a bad diaper rash, but I would probably cry too if that were me!)

We’re starting to get a little preview now of the fun times. She slept through the night last Thursday (yay for that, even if it was just one day) and she’s starting to “mimic smile” and do other copycat things. I did with her today what I used to do with my nephew at about this age, and played the “stick out your tongue” game…eventually I got her to copy me, and now if she’s feeling playful she’ll look at me and just stick her tongue way out, Gene Simmons-style. It cracks me up.

I can’t wait to see what the next month has in store (and yet at the same time I want to just put her in a little box and keep her small and sweet forever)!

More pictures from today: