Recently, I’ve been wowed, impressed, and most of all thrown off of my parenting game by the logic and persistence of my seven year old.
While her interests seem to come (and go) in waves, her most recent request for a baby sister is hanging around much longer than I’d like.
It’s really funny. First, I try to explain that in order for me to have a baby, I should be married. (It’s the way I roll.)
“But,” she reasoned, “you have Brett and me, and you aren’t married.”
Sigh. This is the time I realize that gone are the days of pacifying my kiddos with a simple answer to any question they pose, and when I have to remind her that when they were born, I was married; that I didn’t enter the realm of the Single Mama until I got a divorce.
“Well,” she said (wheels turning) “I think I know a really nice guy for you. My PRINCIPAL!” She’s also commented on people we run into out and about, and once decided that because a man winked at me at the gas station that he thought I was beautiful and wanted to marry me.
Not good. Now she’s on the hunt to find not my soul mate, but the papa for her dream baby sister.
When I first got divorced, I was getting clobbered from every angle by friends, colleagues, neighbors and even vague acquaintances trying to set me up with “so-and-so,” who was always “really great,” and “blah, blah, blah.” I never imagined that one of these forces would be my own offspring!
I’m trying to prove to my kids that I don’t need some nameless, faceless entity to make my life whole. So how do I do this?
So far, my approach has included the following:
- I laugh with her when she tries to set me up, and agree with her when we see a “cute one.”
- I tell them constantly that I don’t need to be in a relationship to be happy!
- I remind them that happy families come in all shapes and sizes; that they are my focus, and that when the time is right, maybe I will get involved again.
At the end of the day, I stand by my conviction. I really hope that my theory that they’ll get a stronger sense of themselves holds true, and that they learn much earlier than I did about what it really takes to have an awesome relationship.
C’mon. Who else out there has gone through this? Who else has dealt with similar efforts and requests by well-meaning children? I want to hear from you!
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Posted by Heidi @ 7:39 pm
October 13th, 2009 at 3:16 am
The seven year olds know to much!
October 13th, 2009 at 3:28 am
Yeah- my son Matt said a few months ago- "Dad, you need to get married" (he's a young 14), I did not take his advise too seriously. "All in good time, Matt". Then I thought "How will you know when the time is right? Perhaps you will meet someone really great tomorrow, next week, or who knows?" Perhaps your daughter has some intuition, or sees something, maybe a voice inside her that is telling you its time that maybe you could use someone in your life.
I am one of those "so-and-so's" who probably was billed as "really great". Sorry you did not think so.
October 13th, 2009 at 4:37 pm
Wow! Is that comment from "Still Looking" for real? Did you actually read the blog, or were you too self-absorbed to bother? What part of "I’m trying to prove to my kids that I don’t need some nameless, faceless entity to make my life whole." or " I tell them constantly that I don’t need to be in a relationship to be happy!" or "At the end of the day, I stand by my conviction." did you not understand? Try listening to women, you might get different results.
October 14th, 2009 at 2:02 pm
I have the PERFECT solution – take my daughter, PLEASE!! She is 21 yrs old and has a 6 month old baby (although he's a boy, I think Drew could come to love him,! as he is absolutely wonderful). I love my grandbaby, but my daughter? Not so much! This way, Drew gets her baby, you get to stay single, and I don't have to live with my daughter anymore! It's a win-win-win situation! I might even be tempted to throw in a few dollars
October 14th, 2009 at 10:22 pm
This has been the most interesting variety of reactions to any post I've written! Yowza! I'm sure Drue would adapt to another brother, but I could only handle the pair if your daughter can clean and organize my home daily.
October 15th, 2009 at 12:13 am
When I was divorced, my early teen-aged son said "Dad.. I don't think you should try again."
October 15th, 2009 at 12:52 am
Boys are practical? I love nothing more than the honesty of kids. The fact that he shared that with you says very much about how comfortable he is with you!