SingleWorkingMama

I have been an insomniac for a long time. It has been bad for the past couple of years, I guess, and may be more noticeable since I’m not up every two hours because of a crying baby.

When I was younger, my insomnia generally spawned from creativity. When I was self-employed and held odd hours, I’d get my best ideas at two in the morning and run down to my office to explore them. I still wake up with design ideas for my current job, but most often I wake up with worries that are very real, yet generally futile at this time of the morning. (3:28, in fact. Duly note this time stamp if you start to sense that I’m a bit delirious.)

Typically, I keep a lot of these worries to myself. I’m starting to wonder if that isn’t part of the problem.

So, now that I’m up, I will go ahead and document them in an attempt at self-therapy.

I worry about the things a Single Mama is supposed to worry about. Money. My job. My family. The house. Things I’m undoubtedly forgetting. Taxes. The fact that I rarely cry. That I didn’t notice the warning slip in my daughter’s backpack that she was low on lunch money, and she had to eat one of the humiliating cheese sandwiches they serve when you’re out. Damn! I had the money.

I worry that staying in my house after the “Big D” was a mistake. If I had moved to a condo, I wouldn’t have to buy additive for my snowblower’s gas tank, or fear my kids or myself will break out teeth tripping on my driveway, which heaved up about two inches higher than my garage floor this winter. But then I worry that trying to sell would be impossible right now, due to the fact that the market is wretched, and my house is in a state of disarray that would possibly make Peter Walsh faint. And what if that leak in Brett’s closet wakes up and starts dripping again?

I worry about my Mom, and the fact that the same chemo that is kicking her cancer is making her legs and hands numb.

I worry about my Dad, who is a rock for everyone.

I worry that my parents will read this and worry more about me.

I worry about my sister, brother and sister-in-law, just because.

I worry about friends who are suffering from all sorts of family, health and life problems.

I worry about work.

I worry about things I’m forgetting, like my license plate renewal. Where the heck is that form, anyhow?

I worry about the fact that I can operate and still be quite productive with 3 or less hours of sleep per day. Can that go on forever? And what about these black bags? They aren’t getting better, that’s for sure, and no amount of Definity Eye Illuminator seems to even make a dent these days.

I’m sorry, but… OMG! Is it any wonder I don’t sleep?

Help! I know I’m not alone. How do you cope with your worries? How do you put your brain to rest? I’ve tried introducing relaxing hobbies (knitting), reading more, etc. I know I’ll never solve the world’s problems, or maybe even all of my own, but isn’t there something other than Ambien that I can do to improve this?

I found a cheap, guilty new pleasure.

It’s called Johnson’s Baby Cologne.

Even if you aren’t in possession of a smelly baby, I like the way this stuff smells, and it’s great for splashing on after a workout or long day.

For about $2.50, you can introduce a fresh, powdery sense of renewal to your day.

I have a different opinion when it comes to the original motivation behind this product. To mask your child’s rankness with a liquid you apply? GIVE THE CHILD A BATH.

For more perfume talk, visit Talk Perfume!

I’m so glad I live in this day and age. In addition to pretty easily surviving two births that would have absolutely killed me in the 1800s, I can now say that I’ve participated in a virtual happy hour with my family… One that was fun, and actually made it seem like we were all together.

My brother and sister-in-law live in Boston, and the rest of us are here in Wisconsin. We gathered to celebrate my sister’s birthday, and through the miracle of Google video chat and two laptops, we assembled a virtual mixer that lasted for over an hour.

I’ve been learning to knit.

In addition to my kids, I have generally been caught up in technology, with my career and personal interests. Digital photography, blogging, social media and current events have been my core focus for years and years, and through all of that I have let my older hobbies of creating arts and crafts fade away.

Over the holidays, as I reflected quite a bit about my life in general, I decided to take up knitting, and it has been a therapeutic relief from some of the chaos that typically rules my brain!

I started with a book, and quickly learned that it wasn’t going to be an effective way to teach myself. YouTube followed, and I took it up a notch by signing up for a knitting class at Main Street Yarn Shop in Hartford, Wisconsin.

The class was really fun, and I enjoyed sitting for two hours with women I’d never met before. It was cool to see eight other people who wanted to learn this skill for many different reasons.

The store is adorable, and I wish it was closer to my home. You see, when I signed up for the class, I wasn’t paying close attention and thought it was in Hartland, which is only a hop-skip-and-a-jump away from my house! But, the class is only three weeks long, and I’m already glad I did it. Two more weeks, and I should have one hell of a dishcloth.

There is something very fascinating to me about taking a string and making it into something much more substantial. While I’m still very green when it comes to knitting, I’m definitely making progress and have gotten my kids interested in it. I’m hoping that as Drue gets older, she’ll want to learn and we can share the hobby.

Brett even wants to learn, and if he still does when he’s old enough, I’m all for it! He actually said a few weeks ago, “Mom, it will be so nice when all free of us can knit togever.”

Fridays at work are big days for me now. I’m working on a large web project, using the Agile method of software development.

As scrum master of my cross-functional team, I am charged with reporting our group’s progress in the form of a public presentation.

Yesterday morning, I woke up and was on track to get out the door without any major crisis. I ran out, started the car, and prompted my four year-old to get in. Naturally, he left the door wide open. I said “Brett, close the door!” He complied. I turned to run back in to grab my, well, “everything…” Coat, purse, phone, badge, etc. My helpful boy had locked us out.

Now, most people would have a house key in the garage or on their keychain. I am not most people. I panicked, realizing that it was freezing, and I didn’t even have a phone. Most of my neighbors were gone for the day, so what was I going to do?

I am so lucky that I had the car running. I decided to do what was necessary to get to work on time, rather than try to resolve the issue then and there. I dropped Brett off at school and went to work in the twenty-degree weather without a jacket or anything else, including my coffee. Argh!

I’ve noticed a trend on Facebook – it’s “Interview with my Child.” You ask your child a series of questions, and then post them in a note on Facebook. You tag other people, and it spreads like wildfire.

I did this tonight, interviewing my seven year-old daughter. It was really fun, and I’m going to print a copy to put in her baby book. Furthermore, I might just ask these questions yearly to see how they morph!

1. What is something Mom always says to you?
“I love you.”

2. What makes Mom happy?
“That I love you and I help you.”

3. What makes Mom sad?
“If I don’t help her.”

4. How does your Mom make you laugh?
“Tickling.”

5. What was your Mom like as a child?
“Small.”

6. How old is your Mom?
34

7. How tall is your Mom?
“40!”

8. What is her favorite thing to do?
“Spend time together.”

9. What does your Mom do when you’re not around?
“Work.”

10. If your Mom becomes famous, what will it be for?
“Because she’s a rockstar.”

11. What is your Mom really good at?
“Um, knitting.”

12. What is your Mom not very good at?
“Folding.”

13. What does your Mom do for her job?
“She makes movies.”

14. What is your Mom’s favorite food?
“Pizza.”

15. What makes you proud of your Mom?
“That you love me.”

16. If your Mom were a cartoon character, who would she be?
“Cookie Monster!”

17. What do you and your Mom do together?
“Knit!”

18. How are you and your Mom the same?
“Our hair.” (Hahaha! Thanks to Sally Beauty Supply!)

19. How are you and your Mom different?
“Our voices.”

20. How do you know your Mom loves you?
“Because she tells me.”

21. Where is your Mom’s favorite place to go?
“Shopping. Wait! To buy yarn.”

I haven’t written in quite some time, and I have some excuses.

As I mentioned in my last post, I have been very busy working. Additionally, my home wireless connection went “kaput” quite some time ago. After several ire-inducing phone calls, I finally got a pleasant (and competent) technician who diagnosed the issue to be that my wireless router was dead.

I obtained a new router through the generosity of a friend and colleague, but despite my best efforts, I could not get my lil’ old Compaq to pick up the signal.

During this frustrating time, a technician for the cable company came out to determine just why my PowerMac G5 wasn’t doing well with connection speed, plugged directly into the modem. He was kind enough to assist me with my wireless issue, even though I know he wasn’t “supposed to.” People are really good, you know? And frankly, it’s sad to think he could get in trouble for simply providing good customer service.

I haven’t been totally idle in my writing, however. I have been blogging for 28 Hours, the Work-Life balance blog on MyPath.

I’ve also been doing a lot of thinking about ways to simplify and get more joy out of my life. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not an unhappy person, but I’ve been examining the complication of things lately and realizing that it just doesn’t have to be so… Um, complicated! I’ve taken up knitting and crocheting, and just taking a few minutes each day to knit a row or learn a new stitch is very therapeutic.

So, there you have it. I’ve been busy and busy. But I’ve been taking a lot of notes, so stay tuned for more!